Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.
No problem. So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Absolutely. I'm the boss. Okay. So take us through a day in the life of, "the boss."
Well the first thing I do is:
Talk to corporate - like a boss
Approve memos - like a boss
Lead a workshop - like a boss
Remember birthdays - like a boss
Direct workflow - like a boss
My own bathroom - like a boss
Micromanage - like a boss
Promote synergy - like a boss
Hit on Debra - like a boss
Get rejected - like a boss
Swallow sadness - like a boss
Send some faxes - like a boss
Call a sex line - like a boss
Cry deeply - like a boss
Demand a refund - like a boss
Eat a bagel - like a boss
Harassment lawsuit - like a boss
No promotion - like a boss
Fifth of vodka - like a boss
Shit on Debra's desk - like a boss
Buy a gun - like a boss
In my mouth - like a boss
Oh, fuck, man, I can't fucking do it, shit...
Pussy out - like a boss
Puke on Debra's desk - like a boss
Jump out the window - like a boss
Suck a dude's dick - like a boss
Score some coke - like a boss
Crash my car - like a boss
Suck my own dick - like a boss
Eat some chicken strips - like a boss
Chop my balls off - like a boss
Black out in the sewer - like a boss
Meet a giant fish - like a boss
Fuck his brains out - like a boss
Turn into a jet - like a boss
Bomb the Russians - like a boss
Crash into the sun - like a boss
Now I'm dead - like a boss
Uh huh. So, that's an average day for you then?
No doubt. You chop your balls off and die.
Hell yeah. And I think at uh, one point there you said something about sucking your own dick?
Nope. Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
Nah, that ain't me. Okay. Well, this has been eye-opening for me.
I'm the boss. Yeah, no, I got that. You said it about four hundred times.
I'm the boss. Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
I'm the boss. No I heard ya, see ya later!
